I knew that this would be an expensive visit. I was scheduled to receive 2 crowns and I'm not even royalty. Now as I waited to enter the dental zone, I started to notice my feelings. I even asked myself why was I feeling so stressed.
The truth is, I've delayed this visit / procedure / decision since April. Back then the dentist told me that I would need 2 molars crowned. She looked in my mouth so matter-of-factly, told me I'd need crowning and then added "you might even need root canals." Which made me wonder if a person can faint sitting down. I even wondered about her bedside manner...."hey lady, there's a human heart in this body!" I'm thinking a person should be taken into a chapel for news like that.... at least a little soft music and a box of tissue.
I left the office pondering how to clue my frugal husband in on this news. And to tell you the truth, I didn't even mention this to him until this morning. I pictured him laying flat out on the floor with me wielding a defibrillator and shouting "clear!" Instead, he just mentioned something about a health savings account and handed me a check book.
Today I learned a big lesson - again. First off, there is no figuring my spouse, and try to stop worrying. Mostly, try to stop worrying. You see, I have been carrying those dentist's words around with me since April. I have pondered those words at all moments of the day. I have laid awake at night thinking about those crowns. Why? I'm not sure. This is the way worry wields it's tentacles into our souls.
I come from a long line of worriers. My mother had this fear that someone would break in on her and my Dad and do them great harm. She had that "Husband murdered - wife raped then murdered" headline playing in her head for a large part of her life. She was normally an upbeat person but lived that mental horror.
As the panic started building this morning and I found myself able to name it, I began an inner dialogue...."calm down, breathe, think of something fun and positive, everything is going to be ok, you want to keep your teeth." This helped.
I went to the dentist. I only needed the crowns - no root canals. Everyone was very patient with me, the sun was shining, the dentist with the charming bedside manner was not on duty, the dentist with actual charm was on duty, my husband never insisted on looking in my mouth, the numbness finally wore off, I took needed action and can move on.
They say that worry is a wasted emotion. Worry is fear in disguise. Maybe I have learned my lesson but if I haven't.... I'm not going to worry about it!
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Here it is, your moment of Zen....
2 comments:
I feel it build up inside of me, only I visualize it as a brush fire, tiny and maneagable at first but eventually it will be a roaring forest fire. I think surely it must be a genetic thing because I see it in our family, my mom has become less of a worrier or she's much better at hiding it. Perhaps worry is the absence of control? I know I worry less when I know I can control a situation but really how rare is that in life? Lovely post, I like your photo, coffee is a worry free ritual for me.
Hey there ELW! I think some of it goes to the old double standard offered to the women in our family. When you walk around thinking that males have a little bit more than the females, when a woman is thinking that they need to get a guy to give the OK on a decision, it creates a state of mind that can only be described as doubt. And doubt can be a wide river to cross. OMG am I ever gonna get this once and for all?
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